When a deadline looms, life stops. As authors we are constantly unemployed and often find ourselves working long hours to make deadlines we wish could have been changed but we accepted because we needed the work.
It's not easy telling a friend that you can't talk and lunch simply isn't in the cards until another 10,000 words are written. "But that's not really the case," she fusses. "You just don't want to go."
She may have a demanding job herself, but because we work at home authors suffer the same attacks anyone endures when they don't have a boss who requires a time clock. Our time clock is internal.
That drive to be disciplined in our work also causes too much alone time. Being alone with no one to talk to but the dog can sometimes breed fear. It may not last. It may be gone within moments, but it seems to erupt at the most inconvenient times and it always takes away from creative thinking.
I stopped for a moment today and realized that those fears need to be handled. I need to refuse the negative thoughts and re-claim God's call on my life. I know I'm just tired, but I still need to be strong. Perhaps, you have felt those moments of insecurity. Perhaps you might like to use my remedy.
I took a moment and thought about all the friends and loved ones that care about my writing. Not secondary friends...but the really close friends who check on me from time to time and actually want to know about my success. I prayed for them and was comforted in knowing they are praying for me. I sent the following e-mail:
Writing is one of the hardest things I do. I sit in my office alone facing a sea of papers and research. I click around on the Internet finding bits and pieces. I push back in my chair - stare at the ceiling and wonder if anyone will like what I've written. I walk to the mailbox alone and wonder what God is doing in my life. I check my e-mails several times a day wondering if that article or chapter resonated with the editor.
All that alone time is fodder for Satan's attacks. I KNOW God has called me to this, but there are those moments of weakness when I stare out the window as prickles run through my stomach. I KNOW GOD HAS CALLED ME...."but what if"....my weak little mind whispers.
It's in those moments that I think of special friends. I'm sure they are praying for me and that I have a bond with their spirits. It's then that I thank God for their prayers and their encouraging words. I AM CALLED TO THIS WRITING THING....I WILL CONTINUE TO WORK....I WILL CARRY ON....
This is one of those moments and I want to stop and say, thank you. Thank you for all you mean to me. Thank you for lifting me higher. Thank you for your love.
Let me know if you have ever felt this way. I would love to be part of your circle of praying friends. Perhaps your friends would appreciate an e-mail too.
God loves you and has called you to write,